Lessons I've learned from America

Are you drinking enough? The thirst mechanism is so weak in most people that they mistake thirst for hunger. Recognize the signs of thirst, because thirst is a sign that you are dangerously close to being sober.

Food is a useful substance to fight stomach hunger and early death, but beware of its addictive effects. Many eaters can't go a single day without using.

engine exhaust is sweet smelling in the morning air. This handy gas can be used to warm one's environment, or, when in a pinch, breathe in directly for painless suicide.

There are goodness operatives and badness operatives, but it's hard to tell at first because operative status is concealed and most are double agents.

Spanking is friendly between friends.

Social Anxiety adds spice to otherwise boring work meetings and parties.

Everyone is a sinner. The kind of sin you see in yourself is your choice.

When people finish their sentence with a little nod they telling a lie. If they look down they are only shy.

People will believe whatever you tell them, especially if its on the internet.

Whatever you believe will come true.